It's not common for people to truly love the other person they're with. They're more concerned with what people can do for them than the other person. 99.98% of the time. That's not love. But that is the natural procedure we take with acquiring matehood.
They're just individually predicated on their own status, power, prominence, cosmic significance. More worried about how they can be seen as significant and investment worthy than caring about people's thoughts/ feelings and emotions. The very fact we lie for our own gain is evidence of us not caring about helping others, but raising ourselves instead. If we cared about others, the truth should be just as important to other as it is to us.
Our emotions are pendulumed around the self. And the way the person idealizes their own existence creates a similar pattern with how they consider self-serving.
People's social insecurities are centered around their social status. Which is an indicator of them not caring much about other people. As they are more hung up about how significant/ vain prominence they'll have they'll be than being of better use to other people.
People are really anxious/ worried because the judgment system of sentient beings will compartmentalize them in a place where they "don't" want to be. But to work against that means to prioritize yourself, and not others and the way they'd go about judging you. People work out, looksmax, learn PUA to manipulate the other party into finding them more attractive for the sake of seduction. It's manipulation with a dudebro dress.
And their self-judgment will do that also. That rolls in people brains and makes them feel it's better to be distanced/ hidden/ premeditative with their presentation being of someone they love from their insecurities than to be bonded with as someone they don't love htemselves.
We criticize ourselves in a way that makes us insecure, and full of deception for the sake of gaining our primal gratification of domination over the sexual pools of selection/ hierarchy. At the expense of other people and their natural wishes. We don't wanna be beta-compartmentalized. We want alpha-status. It's a sruvival mechanism.
You need to love yourself to love others. Typically. If you don't love yourself, then you won't understand or accept people loving you. You'll feel they're stupid and wrong. The african saying "be careful accepting a shirt from a naked man" is correct. They're offering you something they don't fully embrace within themselves. If they truly loved you they wouldn't offer that to you. Something they don't care for. If they cared about their thoguhts and feelings. It's of low value to them, and they're hoping by giving it to you that you'll give it more value. They're not giving you something of value. It's for another prupose. But in the case of the shirt, they value the shirt (from primal instincts, as it represents the self), they're just hoping by the other person wearing it that it's of value. Pretty much everyone has this low-self-esteem and wants to trick people into at least giving the treatment to the self through proper manipulation that our vanity desires.
To love another person means to care about their htoughts and feleings. People are really in love with their own pride/ the status/ primal capital garnered from getting someone, or having someone like them back.
People find it a sentimental plebby overextension to love other people. To care about thoughts and feelings. People are just really gene-harvesters and status-farmers. It's what people can offer/ do for them. Not caring about the other person's thoughts and feelings.
Essentially genes are trophies and people love superiority over others. They just veneer virtue over their vices.
“I could show fight on natural selection having done and doing more for the progress of civilization than you seem inclined to admit. Remember what risk the nations of Europe ran, not so many centuries ago of being overwhelmed by the Turks, and how ridiculous such an idea now is! The more civilised so-called Caucasian races have beaten the Turkish hollow in the struggle for existence. Looking to the world at no very distant date, what an endless number of the lower races will have been eliminated by the higher civilized races throughout the world.”
― Charles Darwin